10 Definitive Ways To Tell You’re In Love With The Right Someone

via elitedaily.com

Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do.

Once you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn’t start “living” until the two of you met.

I remember when I first fell in love with my girlfriend; it was a very scary feeling, as I had managed to elude love for the entirety of my life before her. I specifically remember the transition from when I liked Vanessa to when I began to love her.

Vanessa went from being someone who made me smile to being the greatest catalyst of the happiness and joy in my life. She went from a gorgeous girl I met to the most beautiful girl I know. She went from my crush to the love of my life.

Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times. Even the meaning of love is extremely subjective, but I say for certain that anyone who’s experienced it knows it’s the best feeling ever.

Here are 10 ways to know if you might be in love — rather than in like — with someone:

1. The best part of your day
As Childish Gambino said, “When I’m alone, I’d rather be with you.” Seeing my girlfriend is always the highlight of my day. If you really love someone, you never truly get tired of him or her.

No matter how great your day might be going, your special person will make it better. When you just like someone, he or she might make your day better, but probably isn’t the best part.

2. The first person you think about
Your love will be the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about before you go to sleep. When something good happens to you, this is the first person you want to tell.

When something bad happens to you, you look to this person for support.

3. Prioritize above your own needs
Love is selfless. I was the most important person in my world until I met my girlfriend. Once I fell in love with her, her needs became much more important than my own.

This is just how love is. Your needs always seem trivial in comparison to your significant other’s needs.

4. You’d do anything
If I tried to construct a list of things I wouldn’t do for my girlfriend, the list would be pretty empty. When you’re in love with someone, you do whatever you can to make the person happy.

When you like someone, you may feel like there is a lot you would do for the person, but you have your limits. True love knows no limits.

5. You are never afraid to express your feelings in public
I have this semi-bad habit of telling the world how in love I am with my girlfriend.

When you’re truly in love, you want everyone to know. You are not bashful about your feelings by any means. When you like someone, there is a lot of holding back on how you feel.

6. You love the imperfections
My girlfriend is the most beautiful girl I know, but she does have some imperfections. But, to me, they’re not imperfections — they’re unique qualities and things I love.

When I tease her about them, she thinks I am making fun of her, but I am truly just admiring them. Love is the ability to know and accept someone’s faults.

You may know the imperfections of a person you like, but having the capacity to embrace them likely won’t happen unless you fall in love.

7. You think long-term
When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to imagine a future without the person in it. For this reason, you will think long-term about how you can build a life with this person.

You won’t give in to short-term temptations that might mess up your long-term goals. When you just like someone, thinking long-term can be pretty scary.

8. You become a better person
No one is perfect; we all have room for improvement. But, being in love will force you to work on these things.

You want to become the best version of yourself for the person you love. I am a better person now than I was before I met my girlfriend.

9. Your feelings are unconditional
When you love someone unconditionally, it means that your love knows no conditions and is absolute. I don’t actually like the term “unconditional love” because I think it’s redundant — I believe all true love is unconditional.

When you like someone, your feelings change depending on the condition.

10. Your love is your best friend
Sometime along the way, my girlfriend became my best friend. I believe this to be true for most people who fall in love.

Your significant other becomes your partner in crime. You feel like, together, you can take on the world.

Do's and Don'ts of a relationship!

Relationships and love can be difficult.

Learning the boundaries of oneself and how to remain centered when in the presence of a loved one is a learning curve. Nobody can be an expert at first, and so it is natural to look to sources of knowledge and others to assist in speeding up the learning curve.

It is my opinion that internet psychology and relationship advice can be exceptionally detrimental, if not outright destructive to the most important aspect of relating…and that is love.

Here are some thing we should all consider before jumping in.

1. The Laundry Lists of what to look for or avoid in relationship.

Self-knowledge and healthy boundaries are natural and wise. Yet, when I see somebody running around with a checklist in their head of what makes the perfect partner, and what has to be avoided at all costs, I am seeing a person who operates from their mind and not with their heart.

Love remains an expression of heart, soul and spirit; not the mind.

Relying on lists is an epic-fail; believe in your intuition and experience.

Laundry lists of relationship dos-and-donts create expectations, demands and perceptions that can be misguided. If your love leaves clothes on the floor, it doesn’t mean they are a slob or wouldn’t grow out of it. If a woman expects a man to never walk out of an argument, that creates unnecessary pressure and makes a man wrong if he does.

Lists of relationships do and don’t present stories which may be false, and rather than relating at the core level of heart-to-heart, can keep things at a surface level. It also denies the possibilities of surprise and adventure that love can bring ; lists can create a rigid structure that, once built, can create impossible expectations and scenarios that no human can live up to.

Lists also have the possibility of over-generalizing relationships and love, and deny the opportunity for the soul to express itself in unique ways, or to grow.

2. Relating because of attraction, likes and common interests.

Love is more than a series of likes and dislikes, attraction and interests.

If attraction is based on what you like or dislike about the person, it is a setup for failure. Likes and dislikes change over time, and remain at the surface level of human expression. Common interests change, appearances change, language change.

Initial attraction may be nice, yet the qualities that cause a relationship to endure are far deeper.

The only constant is change.

So be sure to know the core personality traits that sustain and nurture you, identify what you really want in a relationship, and then live it and find those traits in another.

3. Surface level relationships rather than depth.

Qualities that cause relationships to endure are ineffable and take time to discover and see in oneself and others.

Impatient passionate love can never endure, though it may transform into a life-long romance if both partners learn to calm down and truly see one another with eyes of authenticity.

So many people share that they want enduring, loving, and even life-long relationships. This doesn’t happen over night—it takes time, and a willingness to go past oneself.

The core qualities that allow this are loyalty, faithfulness, respect, listening, speaking authentically, and patience.

Those sustain and nurture real love.

So when I see a person relating with others based on fashion trends, or merely common interests, I have to wonder about their depth of character.

4. Toxic language and lack of sensitivity.

By toxic language, I don’t mean cussing—coarse language is far different than toxic communication.

A person who complains, puts others down, demeans and humiliates people, especially their family and parents, has unresolved issues that will awaken with intimacy. Most challenges in relationship start because of language, and unloving words communicate an unloving spirit.

5. Judgmental and overly critical.

Somebody who is judgmental and overly critical about anything will eventually become judgmental and critical about you.

The assumption that the relationship will be this way or that denies it the opportunity to be its fullest and most natural expression. And when the relationship hits eventual speed bumps, judgments about how the relationship should be and isn’t will become the target of criticism.

6. Lack of humor.

Humor and the ability to take serious things with gracious spaciousness enables all involved to remain relaxed and grow through the most turbulent scenarios in life.

If the ability to take things with light-heartedness is not available, everything will become heavy and life becomes misery.

7. Inability to take personal responsibility.

The person who blames everybody else, the world, or their ex’s for the hurts and tribulations in life will eventually target their partner for all their woes.

8. Avoids the shadow-side of life.

Death, grief, accidents, and tragedies happen in life. It’s nice to believe life is always a bed of roses, yet it isn’t. If a person doesn’t have the ability to handle the darkness and pain of being alive, they may not be able to endure in relationship. And if something happens to you, they may abandon you in the time of greatest need.

9. Emotional Immaturity.

Maturity is not about age, it’s about willingness and intention.

In so many of the red-flag lists, a great deal of what is listed are the traits of immature individuals.

Surface level, so much can change for a person when they are committed, loyal and loving.

And love happens at any age. Just because that person doesn’t know how to process emotions and may need space, does not mean that they cannot and are unwilling to learn how. Youthful traits change as a person grows in wisdom and age—but to pressure somebody into conforming and changing to suit personal needs is also immature.

And again, internet laundry lists can create an air of perceived faults and expectations that focus on surface level traits rather than appreciating the deeper qualities of soul and spirit.

Entering a relationship with preconceived notions about what is wanted or not wanted denies the spirit and flow of energy and love; that is an often overlooked aspect of immaturity.

The possibility and transformation that real love gives is inaccessible when a wall of demands is present. The pre-judgment that happens when a heart has been hurt can be the most detrimental and self-sabotaging personality trait possible.

The beginners mind, everyday, allows love to blossom.

Time, patience, and wisdom in understanding human experience allows relationships to blossom. And like seasons, all relationships have cycles.

Sooner or later, the lists are set aside and love becomes the focus.

When that happens, the wish becomes true.

Shared via elephant journal

Ten Tips For Dating During The First Month

Via MidLoveCrisis

Kristen Crockett tells us about how important the first month of dating is. She shares 10 important tips for people who have just started dating.

The first month of a relationship is critical.  It determines the expectations and outcome of the relationship.  Before I met my husband, here is my personal list of things that were important for me to have in a partner:

1)    Do what you say. If you say you will call on Sunday, call me on Sunday. If you can’t call me, let me know. It's really that simple. If you memorized all those formulas in math class, you can definitely handle this concept.

2)    Be open to newness.  If you aren’t willing to at least try sushi one time, you may not be willing to keep up with my desire to grow.  The world is filled with things I have never seen or done before.  I’d like to try out the new stuff together.  Experiencing something new on your own is no fun. 

3)    Apologize.  If you find it difficult to apologize when you are wrong, you are probably not going to be accountable for your actions or comments in the future. I admit when I am wrong so I need you to practice that talent as well.  An apology goes a long way to mend hurt feelings.

4)    Family. I come from a huge network of aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I’m into family. If you never talk to your family, don’t see your kids, or talk horribly about them, I’m not the person for you. I value family and I need you to as well.  If you don't, that's totally cool too...for someone else who may want you.

5)    Bashing your ex. With the ability to grow comes the ability to forgive. If you are still saying awful things about a past relationship, I know that I am next in line to be talked about if we break up. It also tells me that you don’t take responsibility for your part in a relationship. 

6)    Handle your childhood issues. We all have them. But if by this age you haven’t done some work to grow through them or to heal, you probably won’t ever do it.  Life is too short to let our childhood issues affect us as adults. And there are too many therapists out there with sliding scales. 

7)    Have priorities.  If you buy $200 jeans but can’t pay your car note, we aren’t going to work out.  If you spend $2,000 on a spur of the moment vacation but don’t have health insurance, I can’t expect you to have me as a priority when you can’t get the basics down.

8)    Fix it before bed. It’s simple.  I like my sleep.  Arguments affect my sleep.  I need a person who solves problems in the same way that I do: before bed.

9)    Make lemonade out of lemons. Problems happen and issues come up.  It’s why they call it life instead of something else.  A change of course sometimes leads you to a better path.  When something is thrown my way, I make the best of it.  If you like to complain and ask God why me, you won’t last a day with me.

10) Appreciate all people.  If you scream at the waitress just before you short her on her tip for not bringing you a glass of water that was exactly 72%, you are not for me.  I was raised to respect everyone from the people who clean the streets to the CEO.  And I am a stickler for tipping.  Plus, your words have to match your actions.  You can’t work at a non-profit and disrespect other people in one breath.