True Friendships!!!

"She is my best friend, I can't imagine my life without her", "we have have a BFF's #selfie", lately I am coming across such lines on a regular basis. Social media is changing the definition of best friends, best friends now a days think alike, dress alike, have same tastes, the best friends have the same gossip to share and everything else which can easily get attention on social media but have we ever thought that true relation of a friend is beyond all this, somehow I have realized that best friendships and best relations are formed without any similarity of tastes and passions, the best friends just tend to happen, even if they don't meet on regular basis, the true friendships nurture in the longest of distances and the deepest of smiles, the best friends can read your mind just by the way you say hello on a call, they hardly dress up like you, their tastes might not be similar as yours but the connection you share with them beats all the materialism requires to pass the test of friendship these days.

When hearts are connected , distances take a back seat. You move on with life and so does your best friends but never in your mind for a second you feel that this distance might harm your friendship, off-course meeting and chilling out together doesn't happen that frequently but no matter how far your friend is you know that just a phone call is enough to tell them that you need them and sometimes they know even without a call that you need them and when you develop this kind of relationship with someone and look back how it all started, you will realize that all the drama that took place then was just a process of bringing you and your best friend closer, it was a law in play which had a purpose and the purpose is disclosed now.

Instead of running through life, let's be grateful for what we have, try being grateful to a friend who has been with you in your thick and thins, who knows you inside out, no matter how far you reach in life or how rich you become, your real wealth lies in the people you have spent your precious growing years with and if they are still a phone call away , you are sorted for life. Embrace life and the true relations. Be as passionate and thankful to your friends offline as much as your to them online.

This blog-post is taken from http://divyasa11.blogspot.com/

Friends & Relationships

Friends are always great to have but when you are in a relationship, they can cause more trouble than you bargained. We hope none of your friends are trying to ruin your relationship intentionally though. That would probably make them a bad friend unless they are trying to tear you both apart for your own good.

E.g – You are constantly being put to the wall and they are telling you how bad your partner is and how you should leave them, setting up the playground for you two to break up, etc. Even though they are “technically” trying to be a good friend, you should make the decisions in your relationship and not have friend take matters into their own hands.

The Golden rule of this dilemma is to keep a lot of things under cover. Even if he/she is your best friend, they shouldn’t know what they are not suppose to.

When the  amount of  information passed is less naturally the interference decreases.Close friends have a habit of giving out free advice, like your looks a bit fat in that out outfit or how you both are a misfit. They will try to get you to talk to someone else, go clubbing and meet new people, give you bad relationship advice, and all other things that are not good when you are in a relationship.  Its always good to judge the status of your relationship on your own rather than talking somebody else’s point of view.

True friends aren’t backstabbers or people that seduces or takes a partner away from their friends. Just make sure you have loyal and trustworthy friends who you can count on and won’t betray you

Healing After a Breakup

The phone rings and you hear the dreaded words “We need to talk.”  Then you get the knock on the door, your significant other comes in, and everything spirals down from there.  The next thing you know, you’re hearing “We just aren’t connecting the way we need to be”, “Its not working out” or something similar to that.  Whatever the specific phrase is, someone has just broken up with you.

Let’s face it, it’s never good to hear any form of the words “We need to breakup.”  If you are hearing those words, though, then you need to know two things.  First, this happens every day to people (and not just you).  Second, and more importantly, you can and will feel better. So let’s talk about what you can do to not just temporarily feel better, but to really get over a breakup.  Here are six steps to get you totally over a breakup.

Ditch The “Poor Me” Syndrome: The first thing you need to do is to stop thinking about all the things you could have done to prevent the breakup.  Don’t think about that one time you didn’t call, or whatever you’re thinking about in this mental mind game through which you will be tempted to put yourself.  Instead, really think about why the relationship didn’t work out.  There is no one particular event from the past that if you changed it would change the breakup outcome.  Breakups are the result of a series of events.  So dig deep and think about what this relationship was really about, so that you can embrace the lessons it has for you.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Avoid the Alcohol: Right after a breakup, it may make you feel better to go out drinking with your friends and ‘trash talk’ your ex.  The next morning, however, you are going to actually feel even worse.  Your friends have great intentions.  It would be better for you, however, to go out with your friends and do something fun that doesn’t involve alcohol.  Spend the time with your friends really talking about how you feel and having your friends listen.

Go Ahead And Grieve: It’s perfectly all right to grieve after a breakup.  It’s actually healthy to cry and to grieve when a relationship ends.  So don’t be hard on yourself if you want to spend a week crying your eyes out and being really sad.  It’s really is quite healthy to get all of that out of your system.  The people who suppress all their feelings about a breakup and never allow themselves to grieve are the ones who will never learn the lessons they need to learn from the experience.

Put It Down On Paper: Do some journaling and write down all the things you’re thinking and feeling about the breakup.  After you’ve shared your feelings with yourself for a few days, you’ll start to notice that you are feeling better.  You will be better able to discover the deeper issues that caused the relationship to end.  You will also learn what lessons there were for you in that relationship, and become much more clear on what you really want and need in a relationship.  So start journaling and start being really honest with yourself.

Don’t Give In To “The Replacement Theory:” There are many people who mistakenly believe that the best way to get over someone is by finding someone else to replace them.  I call this “The Replacement Theory” of dealing with a breakup.  Unfortunately, this strategy will not help you really get over a breakup, and may actually cause you more pain in the future. Do not start dating someone new too soon after a breakup.  Do not start looking for the next relationship before you’ve taken the time to get over the one that just ended.  The people who start dating too fast after a breakup usually end up repeating the same failed relationships over and over again.  This actually leads me right into my last step.

It’s All About You: After a breakup, spend at least thirty days just doing things that you love.  Connect with friends.  Take long walks.  Go and work out at the gym.  Do whatever it is that you really enjoy.  Do things that are good for you.  This time should be spent getting your self healthy and embracing yourself.
Breakups are hard, but it’s in the aftermath of a breakup that our greatest lessons are learned.  If we can learn the real issues that caused the breakup, then we won’t repeat the same failed relationship again.  So stop blaming yourself and start looking deep inside yourself.  When you do that, you will not just “deal” with a breakup.  You will truly get over it. All the power to you.

Via: David Wygant   http://toolstolife.com/articles/Six-Steps-to-True-Healing-After-a-Breakup-406

Nose Held HIGH!

How did I ever make any friends?

Can you do a quick analysis if I shared some vital statistics? I don't think so.

For a while now this question has been popping in my mind at regular intervals. Specially when I have a had a particularly good time with my friends.

From ages five to nine I have vague or no recollection of my behavioural pattern, which of course means that none of my peers who became friends in that age group recollect either. So I am going to leave those buddies in the category of 'fooled due to age'.

Ten years onward my childhood is quite clear. It was around this time that I started devouring books. My parents, gloating over this habit, bought me book after book on moral sciences, ethics, values, being a good human, being a good child, friend and you name it. To my mind what Josie realised about being polite and Kirsten's realisation on why not to lie were like the scriptures of any holy book. In retrospect, I was that dorky and highly naive child who did as was told by books or elders. I mean ...

Moving on to the increasingly mind-numbing detail. I soon began my journey towards attaining sainthood. I did not lie, but chose to be punished over petty things like rubbing out a full stop when asked not to and not sharing my tiffin with my partner because the teacher said so. I completed books on time, reminded the teacher about homework and %$#*&!#$ .

As if that was not enough, I started reprimanding others when they did any of those things. This should have been the beginning of a steep slope in making friends. It wasn't. I know, shocking! Now they had to stand still for the national anthem, and have the right amount of passion for 'inter-house matches' and playing was out of question if someone thought they could waste food and run. Its not that anyone obeyed, but to have a smartmouth with pearls of wisdom just waiting to be spewn. I was would not befriend the 12 year old me.

Soon puberty struck, and while I gracefully deigned to acknowledge that attraction was natural there had to be boundaries. Boundaries so you do not land into trouble, or are so heartbroken that days of agony follow not just around the person but the entire group. Group mournings over broken hearts are non-optional social conventions  which irked me to no end.

Ah! the care free days of college. Independence, to do your own thing, dependence, to live it up on your parents money. What bliss! NOT. Career, lifestyle choices, prejudices, being liberal in the right way, political bias, general knowledge, current affairs... All were my affairs and had to be yours too. It leads to an enriching life, dad said so, so did I!

All in all I was always there to oversee that my friends were making the right decisions and right choices as had been taught to us. While that is a commendable thing to do, today I reseal that each one has a head on their shoulder and parents back home. Friends require you to agree on stupid adventures, reckless decisions and regrettable ideas.

Now, I just bulldoze over my natural instincts to stop, and nod instead. I notice people are happier that way. That is how they form the huge groups of fun and frolic which can litter the timelines and create that collage of a happy, cool and mostly a normal youths. It also creates a system of fall backs. You mess up, I clean. I mess up, vice-a-versa.

There is no logic in love, neither in friendship. You do not stop before its messy, only afterwards, even if your wits stand up screaming for you to stop. The mess, they say, creates the golden years of youth and wise years of adulthood. I will have no golden years, to have any wise years ahead. For in the time to create a mess I am walking with my values and learnings and with a nose held so very high!

P.S. Friendship is a beautiful word, to be a friend a great feeling, how to be one - that is the tough question!

This blogpost has been taken up from http://manjirigohad.blogspot.com/, the writer Manjiri Gohad has beautifully defined friendship in the most simple and colloquial manner.

Step 1 : Just Vent it out!!

Ever wonder why is it so tough to move on? Letting go isn't that easy and neither does accepting the break up. Some people talk to friends, best friends, parents, sisters,cousins and some just don't , they can't because the only person they used to share talks with, was the one they just broke up with and some even when they have loads to talk cannot because of the nature, the personality.

The point I am trying to make here is that does it help to keep things inside? venting out your feelings, emotions make you feel light, like really feathery as if venting out was important in order to feel ok (for the moment, because moving on takes time). Each and every individual is different, but top 1 mantra for moving on or even taking that first step in moving on is to talk, to people, to friends, to someone who is ready to listen to you, to yourself, because to let go is not to deny but to accept that it has happened and for your own emotional well-being it's very essential to cleanse yourself of all the anger and thoughts you are holding on to.

So friends, please don't hesitate to pick up that phone and call anyone who cares about or just call us and rant it out all.

I will come back soon and would like to leave you with this thought:

“you mourn, you hurt and you start to heal.” 
― Rachel Hawthorne, A Year In Europe

Zero Maintenance Relationships

Have you ever heard of a zero-maintenance device? How wonderful it would be if your car, house, laptop, et al didn't require any maintenance? Wouldn't it be comforting to not be bothered about them getting spoiled? They would just be there..by your side.. Doing what they do the best. Think about it, you would never have to spend time taking your vehicle out for servicing if it were zero-maintenance.

I am not sure if we will have ever zero-maintenance devices but I do enjoy some zero maintenance relationships. 

And what a comfort it is. You must wonder how a relationship can be zero-maintenance.

Let me try and elaborate here.

Two people, no matter how close, how attached and how much ever in love, do end up having differences at 

some point or the other. These difference may be insurmountable or very much resolvable. But they do crop up.

And if it's between two friends, it's even worse.

Have you seen two 'friends' exchanging I love yous and 

I miss yous all over each other's Facebook walls? Not to

mention the endless muah, muahs to go with them. How cute, no? 

Then they have a difference of opinion or a silly fight, an apparent 

breach of trust, a something and there - 

"She is the biggest bit*h there could ever be". How convenient.

"I love you" is the new "It was nice meeting you". You go to a bar alone,

order a few drinks and mingle with someone hanging out at the bar. 

By the time you leave, you have had a good time with him/her and you go "I love you, man.".

You have no idea about that person's whereabouts. But you bump into that person 

after a few weeks and it's like you are meeting your closest bum-chum. 

Hugs and "oh I missed you" and what not. And then again, out of sight, out of mind. 

That happens. A lot. This is just another example of how fragile and insignificant some relationship (or friendships) are. 

This happens with people who you see everyday too. You might not give a damn about them when they are not around but on their face, they mean so much to you.

How do these relationships help? Isn't keeping them alive a task? You have to 'pretend' to be caring and loving. Oh what a drainer!

Coming back to resolving issues, I often wonder how friends turn so hostile towards each other at the drop of a hat. 

You have known that person for a while, you have observed how that person is towards others and you, then why not 

look beyond a small difference and misunderstanding and give that person a chance and let go! If you fear pissing off 

your friends or people who you love by saying a 'no' to something they ask for or by not being available to them for every

little thing they expect from you, then it's a dysfunctional relationship.Where is the comfort? It's only maintenance, 

and high maintenance at that.

Don't we all have a few zero-maintenance relationships? I do too. These are the people I am constantly in touch with. 

These are my friends in the true sense. But I don't get pissed if they are not around sometimes when I need them and, 

likewise, they don't have any hang ups about me not being there for everything they need. And even if there are things

which seem unreasonable, we believe that there is a genuine enough reason for that too.

These are also the people who I always have a good time with, because their faith in me as a person is not subject to everything 

I say or do. Their opinion about me doesn't change. And oh what a comfort it is. These are the people I can be myself with.

In today's times, when every personal and professional relationship is engulfed with paranoia (oh why he hasn't replied to my text yet, 

why didn't she return my call, is she avoiding me, is he not interested in speaking to me), it's a comfort to have certain friendships 

which are completely paranoia-proof. We don't need to please these people everyday, we don't need to work on 'maintaining' the relationship.

The maintenance comes from the undying faith and genuinity on each person's part. And it makes life simpler, and definitely more fun.

"There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship." - Iris Murdoch.

And it's true. Count the number of taken-for-granted, zero maintenance relationships you have. And rejoice in the glory!

This post has been taken from http://cogitativeme.blogspot.in/, written by Swati Maheshwari.