Healing After a Breakup

The phone rings and you hear the dreaded words “We need to talk.”  Then you get the knock on the door, your significant other comes in, and everything spirals down from there.  The next thing you know, you’re hearing “We just aren’t connecting the way we need to be”, “Its not working out” or something similar to that.  Whatever the specific phrase is, someone has just broken up with you.

Let’s face it, it’s never good to hear any form of the words “We need to breakup.”  If you are hearing those words, though, then you need to know two things.  First, this happens every day to people (and not just you).  Second, and more importantly, you can and will feel better. So let’s talk about what you can do to not just temporarily feel better, but to really get over a breakup.  Here are six steps to get you totally over a breakup.

Ditch The “Poor Me” Syndrome: The first thing you need to do is to stop thinking about all the things you could have done to prevent the breakup.  Don’t think about that one time you didn’t call, or whatever you’re thinking about in this mental mind game through which you will be tempted to put yourself.  Instead, really think about why the relationship didn’t work out.  There is no one particular event from the past that if you changed it would change the breakup outcome.  Breakups are the result of a series of events.  So dig deep and think about what this relationship was really about, so that you can embrace the lessons it has for you.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Avoid the Alcohol: Right after a breakup, it may make you feel better to go out drinking with your friends and ‘trash talk’ your ex.  The next morning, however, you are going to actually feel even worse.  Your friends have great intentions.  It would be better for you, however, to go out with your friends and do something fun that doesn’t involve alcohol.  Spend the time with your friends really talking about how you feel and having your friends listen.

Go Ahead And Grieve: It’s perfectly all right to grieve after a breakup.  It’s actually healthy to cry and to grieve when a relationship ends.  So don’t be hard on yourself if you want to spend a week crying your eyes out and being really sad.  It’s really is quite healthy to get all of that out of your system.  The people who suppress all their feelings about a breakup and never allow themselves to grieve are the ones who will never learn the lessons they need to learn from the experience.

Put It Down On Paper: Do some journaling and write down all the things you’re thinking and feeling about the breakup.  After you’ve shared your feelings with yourself for a few days, you’ll start to notice that you are feeling better.  You will be better able to discover the deeper issues that caused the relationship to end.  You will also learn what lessons there were for you in that relationship, and become much more clear on what you really want and need in a relationship.  So start journaling and start being really honest with yourself.

Don’t Give In To “The Replacement Theory:” There are many people who mistakenly believe that the best way to get over someone is by finding someone else to replace them.  I call this “The Replacement Theory” of dealing with a breakup.  Unfortunately, this strategy will not help you really get over a breakup, and may actually cause you more pain in the future. Do not start dating someone new too soon after a breakup.  Do not start looking for the next relationship before you’ve taken the time to get over the one that just ended.  The people who start dating too fast after a breakup usually end up repeating the same failed relationships over and over again.  This actually leads me right into my last step.

It’s All About You: After a breakup, spend at least thirty days just doing things that you love.  Connect with friends.  Take long walks.  Go and work out at the gym.  Do whatever it is that you really enjoy.  Do things that are good for you.  This time should be spent getting your self healthy and embracing yourself.
Breakups are hard, but it’s in the aftermath of a breakup that our greatest lessons are learned.  If we can learn the real issues that caused the breakup, then we won’t repeat the same failed relationship again.  So stop blaming yourself and start looking deep inside yourself.  When you do that, you will not just “deal” with a breakup.  You will truly get over it. All the power to you.

Via: David Wygant   http://toolstolife.com/articles/Six-Steps-to-True-Healing-After-a-Breakup-406

Step 1 : Just Vent it out!!

Ever wonder why is it so tough to move on? Letting go isn't that easy and neither does accepting the break up. Some people talk to friends, best friends, parents, sisters,cousins and some just don't , they can't because the only person they used to share talks with, was the one they just broke up with and some even when they have loads to talk cannot because of the nature, the personality.

The point I am trying to make here is that does it help to keep things inside? venting out your feelings, emotions make you feel light, like really feathery as if venting out was important in order to feel ok (for the moment, because moving on takes time). Each and every individual is different, but top 1 mantra for moving on or even taking that first step in moving on is to talk, to people, to friends, to someone who is ready to listen to you, to yourself, because to let go is not to deny but to accept that it has happened and for your own emotional well-being it's very essential to cleanse yourself of all the anger and thoughts you are holding on to.

So friends, please don't hesitate to pick up that phone and call anyone who cares about or just call us and rant it out all.

I will come back soon and would like to leave you with this thought:

“you mourn, you hurt and you start to heal.” 
― Rachel Hawthorne, A Year In Europe

Zero Maintenance Relationships

Have you ever heard of a zero-maintenance device? How wonderful it would be if your car, house, laptop, et al didn't require any maintenance? Wouldn't it be comforting to not be bothered about them getting spoiled? They would just be there..by your side.. Doing what they do the best. Think about it, you would never have to spend time taking your vehicle out for servicing if it were zero-maintenance.

I am not sure if we will have ever zero-maintenance devices but I do enjoy some zero maintenance relationships. 

And what a comfort it is. You must wonder how a relationship can be zero-maintenance.

Let me try and elaborate here.

Two people, no matter how close, how attached and how much ever in love, do end up having differences at 

some point or the other. These difference may be insurmountable or very much resolvable. But they do crop up.

And if it's between two friends, it's even worse.

Have you seen two 'friends' exchanging I love yous and 

I miss yous all over each other's Facebook walls? Not to

mention the endless muah, muahs to go with them. How cute, no? 

Then they have a difference of opinion or a silly fight, an apparent 

breach of trust, a something and there - 

"She is the biggest bit*h there could ever be". How convenient.

"I love you" is the new "It was nice meeting you". You go to a bar alone,

order a few drinks and mingle with someone hanging out at the bar. 

By the time you leave, you have had a good time with him/her and you go "I love you, man.".

You have no idea about that person's whereabouts. But you bump into that person 

after a few weeks and it's like you are meeting your closest bum-chum. 

Hugs and "oh I missed you" and what not. And then again, out of sight, out of mind. 

That happens. A lot. This is just another example of how fragile and insignificant some relationship (or friendships) are. 

This happens with people who you see everyday too. You might not give a damn about them when they are not around but on their face, they mean so much to you.

How do these relationships help? Isn't keeping them alive a task? You have to 'pretend' to be caring and loving. Oh what a drainer!

Coming back to resolving issues, I often wonder how friends turn so hostile towards each other at the drop of a hat. 

You have known that person for a while, you have observed how that person is towards others and you, then why not 

look beyond a small difference and misunderstanding and give that person a chance and let go! If you fear pissing off 

your friends or people who you love by saying a 'no' to something they ask for or by not being available to them for every

little thing they expect from you, then it's a dysfunctional relationship.Where is the comfort? It's only maintenance, 

and high maintenance at that.

Don't we all have a few zero-maintenance relationships? I do too. These are the people I am constantly in touch with. 

These are my friends in the true sense. But I don't get pissed if they are not around sometimes when I need them and, 

likewise, they don't have any hang ups about me not being there for everything they need. And even if there are things

which seem unreasonable, we believe that there is a genuine enough reason for that too.

These are also the people who I always have a good time with, because their faith in me as a person is not subject to everything 

I say or do. Their opinion about me doesn't change. And oh what a comfort it is. These are the people I can be myself with.

In today's times, when every personal and professional relationship is engulfed with paranoia (oh why he hasn't replied to my text yet, 

why didn't she return my call, is she avoiding me, is he not interested in speaking to me), it's a comfort to have certain friendships 

which are completely paranoia-proof. We don't need to please these people everyday, we don't need to work on 'maintaining' the relationship.

The maintenance comes from the undying faith and genuinity on each person's part. And it makes life simpler, and definitely more fun.

"There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship." - Iris Murdoch.

And it's true. Count the number of taken-for-granted, zero maintenance relationships you have. And rejoice in the glory!

This post has been taken from http://cogitativeme.blogspot.in/, written by Swati Maheshwari.

The first thing to read after a breakup..!!

Going through a breakup has never been easy and knowing what to do and what not to do is extremely draining and tough, I am not going to give you any gyaan , neither I am asking you to sit with a pen and paper to make a to do list. All you need to do is to come to this blog, read it loud and believe that we are here to take you out of that wrong relationship ,we are the shoulders on which you are going to cry on for a next few days, in short we are your best friends for a month or so and you, yes you have to listen to us, do what we are going to tell you and eat what are going to make you eat ;)  just chill and smile buddy. For now, re-read these 5 love quotes again and again to understand that it's ok and it's very normal to have a break up. Here you go..!!

1) “I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” – Nicholas Sparks

Made sense?? How about this one :

2) “Everyone’s allowed to be in love with the wrong person at some point. In fact, it’s a mistake not to be.” – Harriet Evans

This one will comfort you some more,

3)“What’s broken is broken — and I’d rather remember it as it was than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.” – Margaret Mitchell

For some more comfort :

4)“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.” – Walter Anderson

and now the best one :

5) "Breakups hurt you but losing someone who doesn't respect you and appreciate you is actually a gain not a loss.

So please relax, life is meant to be lived beautifully, you got to laugh. We are here to take care of the rest. You can write how you feel in the comments or visit our website to call us and rant, we will not leave you till the time you move on.

Have a great day!!

What is Breakuphelpline ?

We are a team of people who get people get over their bad relationships without making it nasty.

What do we do ?

Our team of seasoned break up experts (lads and ladies whose hook up skills can put the Tony Starks and Charlie Harpers to shame) offer unbiased opinions on the shortfalls of your failed relation, help you bounce back and guide you into never making wrong choices in future. They have the patience of saints and get paid for listening to your grumblings.


Why Us ?

Coz we proudly declare ourselves as the modern day agony aunt. We understand, empathize, vouch for you. And we do it all within 24 hours of you contacting us. We are all insomniacs so we work 24*7. We answer the silliest of the question , apart from the rather serious ones. From advises on the latest fashion to movies, holidays to spas, pubs to spiritual hideouts, you name it and we have it. We brainstorm at the speed of light and are mentally as capable as Superman is physically. Our work motto,we rest when you sleep with a smile.

How do we do it ?

Enroll for our tailor made packages and make the process of breakup less painful. How? We 3G you, Skype you, Mail you and use possibly every technology to reach out till we pull you out of the shit you have got into. We love smiling faces and can go to any limit to bring some on your face. We are deeply committed to normalise your life and are thorough professionals when it comes to secrecy. We love what we do, hence we are awesome at it. Best part is we are even available in person for an early morning run or a coffee date with you.

P.S - We love India. Name the place you are in and Boom! We appear. If we don't, blame it on the holes in our pocket, sponsoring our travel would fix the glitch :P So when to come to us?

When you just broke up or contemplating one. Love is a Rubik's Cube, looks damn easy to accomplish by the look of it, practically, takes time and patience of Hercules. So register with us when you are confused about your relation, your state of mind, your priorities. We are your personal mobile loveguru ensuring 99.99% success in dealing with your heart matters.

How did we come up with this idea ?

The founder conceived the idea after being witness to the many breakups and relationship issues in the lives of his friends and acquaintances. He imagined a medium which could give first hand insight about such relationship crashes. A chance encounter with the term breakup helpline in Kenny Deori's book Chocolates_Guitar_Momos gave words to his thought and breakuphelpline.com was concieved. When a blog site was put through it saw numerous registrations which included ones from abroad. Bang! though the founder, this concept worked. So he borrowed thoughts from friends on how the concept could be put through in a more customer friendly way. Ideas poured in and the actual site was born.

To know more about our services check www.breakuphelpline.com